snakes... why did it have to be snakes?

Earlier this year while hanging out with Tori at Gaffer's, our friend Jesse and I got into a mini debate which then evolved into a full on debate about "Who's the bigger badass: Indiana Jones, or James Bond?" I claimed that Indy is hands down the bigger badass, while Jess (surprise surprise) put stock in Bond. The question is not "who's hotter" or "who's got more stuff" (even though we all know that the Brits give Bond gadgets hand over fist like it's Monopoly money)... The question is between these two extremely popular fictional heroes, who takes the cake? Someone tried to tell me "Indiana Bond would be the be all end all of badassedness." Nice try. And no, you can't say Chuck Norris wins this fight. Norris isn't invited.

Even Lego Indy is more badass than James Bond. It's science.

So, here we go with the facts. This entry is dedicated to my icon, Henry "Indiana" Walton Jones, Junior (yes, that is in fact his full name...don't ask me how I know his middle name. Admitting how I know would just prove how big my nerdiness actually is)
Nicknames
Indiana
Indy

Personal
Date of Birth July 1, 1899 - Princeton, New Jersey
Family PARENTS: Henry Jones, Senior (1872-1951) & Anna Jones (?-1912)
SPOUSE: Marion Ravenwood (March 23, 1909-?)
CHILDREN: Henry "Mutt" Walton Jones, III (1938-?)

OCCUPATION: Professor of Archaeolgy (Marshall College, Connetticut)
Archaeologist
Associate Dean
Soldier

Alright, now that all the personal information is out of the way...here we go. Frank Marshall, who produced the Indy movies, said of the character, "Indy is a fallible character. He gets hurt. He makes mistakes. He's a real character, and not a superhero."

When not in the classroom at Marshall being that teacher that is ever so crushworthy (ex. female student who wrote "Love You" on her eyelids so he could see them when she blinked. Hell, even if I *wasn't* a history nerd, I'd take his class just to drool over him), Indy is either globetrotting, searching for lost and ancient artifacts, or kicking the bad dudes' butts. While some view Jones as simply a mercenary, he honestly believes that these relics "belong in a museum" (Last Crusade). His motives are not for self fufillment, but honestly for the preservation of history. Sure, he may not be the *best* archaeologist, with his tactic being more rough around the edges instead of carefully uncovering history's hidden treasures, the dude's got gusto! 

Pictured: Gusto

In 2008, Archaeology magazine (yes, it exists)one of the editors said that Indy was "a horrible archaelogist, but a great diplomat for archaeology," then awarded 8 past and current archaeologists who they felt embodied Jones' chutzpah with the "Indy Spirit Award" (yes, that really exists too).
Both of Indiana's personas (Dr Jones and Indiana) reject one another in philosophy, creating a duality. Harrison Ford said that the fun of playing Indy was because he got to be both a romantic and a cynic. A lone wolf. Man on a quest. Human superhero. Patriot.

On to more...rugged...territory ;)
Armed with nothing more than his iconic bullwhip, fedora and leather jacket, his World War I Webley-Green revolver, along with a wry sense of humor, deep knowledge of many ancient civilizations and languages, Indiana more than proves his awesomeness. Seriously. Sure, he's scared crapless of snakes...so what? I'm scared of clowns. My mother is arachnophobic. Whoop de doo. Everyone's got a fear of something...his is slithery, hissing reptiles.  Quick on his feet, he's narrowly escaped death numerous times while still looking hot. Did I say hot? Um, I meant "dashing"...yeah...that's what I meant. Remember how he faced down Hitler...okay, so he didn't face him down, but did you know what I mean. Had the perfect opportunity to kill him if he wanted to, then Hitler gave him his autograph. Hilarious. Taking on Panzers, Egyptian swordsmen, Nazis, Indian cults, etc....*sigh*. He doesn't need fancy fast cars, a high salaried job, tons of gadgets or super intelligent technology to save the day...and he gets the girl everytime (well, except Elsa because she died....but that was her own fault for being a greedy Nazi bitch, and we all knew from the beginning that it was always Marion. BBQ bless Karen Allen).

Raw. Intelligent.  Not afraid to get down and dirty for the better good. And oh...that smile.... Henry Jones, Junior...it's all you!

This is also acceptable as swoon worthy.