Did I Remember to Mention the Dog?

These are the things that I noticed about this picture, in the order that I noticed them:
1. Dog.
2. Mustache.
3. Dog!
4. Mullet?
5. Popped collar.
6. DOG!!
7. Sunglasses, hand weight, white wine (I kind of noticed all of those at the same time)
8. Shorts.
9. Dog!
10. Wait a second . . .
11. DOG!!!
12. Is that . . . in his shorts . . . ?
13. Let’s just keep looking at the dog!!
14. Oh no. Please tell me it’s not.
15. DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG!!!!!!!!!!!

16. [violent sobbing]